Old Writings – 3

Old Writings from 2002

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The web of lies seemed to cotinually knock at her door.  She would always open it, as though she had nothing to hide.  She would then make more excuses to cover her previous lies.  I watched her doing this repeatedly.  I tried to call her on her decption, but she would only be angered by my confronting her.

She didn’t take my advice when I offered it, instead she plied me with more obvious lies.

I enjoyed her company, yet found myself frustrated with every bit of dishonesty.  We were supposed to be best friends, but how do you keep up a relationship when deception always seems to be an easy option.

Lately, she seemed to only lead me toward trouble. When I met her, she was just a simple girl who I didn’t realize leaned so readily on lies.

Her days and nights were simple, quiet.  She lived a somewhat isolated life with her boyfriend, who she called her “husband.”  However, as soon as she gained her independence from him, he was an alcoholic artist.

She moved out on her own and her lifestyle changed overnight.  Suddenly I was getting calls at all hours of the night.  She’d learned the  joy of drinking.  She had always stayed sober when with her ex-boyfriend.  Now she went clubbing constantly and learned that she could get the attention of all sorts of men.  She was excited and bored.

She wanted to introduce me to all the new sorts of people she was meeting.  To me, they all seemed the same.  When I had been much younger, I’d felt that every new meeting was an adventure.  I believed every new person embodied the possibility of a thousand new things to learn.  I then met a group of people, which I called “the party crowd.”

They were the absolute of dullness.  They had no new ideas and were always looking for new ways to party to overcome their extreme boredness brought on by their complete lack of self.

I kept away from them and continued looked at new people as exciting and wonderful, just as long as they didn’t meet the “party crowd” definition.  Now, an adult, I watch my “best friend” spending her new independent days and nights with another party crowd.  Bad things seem to happen frequently among them and I am always invited to partake in their misadventures which turn out to be visiting the exact same clubs with all the exact same people week after week and so on.

I go along occassionally, just as I did as a young teenager, though not to clubs.  However, I find it all dejavouish. I am so utterly uninterested and wishing I was somewhere else, but never being so rude as to proclaim these feelings on the spot.

They all know I am not one of them and yet I think believe that little by little they can get me to come around into their world.  It is so very opposite though from where I see myself in my ideal life and wanting to be on a path towards my dream.  I keep encouraging myself to stand up and state that I will only do what I want to do….when I want to do it….